#HowToJim: Living with Autism and How ABA Changed Our Lives

#HowToJim: Living with Autism and How ABA Changed Our Lives

As many of you know, James was diagnosed with autism in 2017. This was a tough pill to swallow, but I am so glad that I advocated for his testing and treatment. It was a tough battle, but now I know we are winning.

In my personal social media posts, you may have read the term "applied behavior analysis" or ABA. As defined in the handout ABA 101, applied behavior analysis is a science dedicated to the understanding and improvement of human behavior. To learn more about ABA as a practice, click here.

Instead of going into technical terms, I want to share all the positive effects ABA has had on James and how his world is growing because of it.

James is making new friends.  It's no secret that James is quite popular in school. He has had friends at Beekman for many years now. What has changed since he started ABA is his social interaction with others. It's amazing to see him greet friends (old and new) with a smile and a wave. His eye contact has improved and he is known for shaking hands from time to time.

James has increased focus on specific activities.  Focus can be a challenge for any child at any age, but with children with autism, it can be a real uphill battle. Like, pushing a boulder up the steep side of Mt. Everest type of battle! However, in two short years, James' focus has vastly improved. He is using items for their intended purpose (i.e. using a remote control to actually control the TV and not to be tossed around), playing with toys with purpose, following verbal prompts like "Time to clean up." or "Time to sit down."

James follows directions more often.  Yes, kids can be stubborn or even "hard-headed", but its a little different for kids with autism. Processing directions can be difficult.  With ABA, James has been able to process and execute simple directions. Simple tasks, like sitting at the dinner table or putting away his toys, are no longer an issue. We still have a long way to go, but knowing that he is capable and willing to listen is a huge improvement.

This is but a small sample of how ABA has changed our lives for the better. We are so grateful for the team at Gateway Pediatric Therapy for all that they have done for my family and many others!

Thank you all for your support! Look for another blog post in the next week. If you would like to request a specific topic visit the Three Cents Please Facebook Page!

Make it a good weekend and enjoy the holiday!

Sasha 😊

The Revolution Is Not Being Televised...Riots Are.

The revolution is not being televised, riots are...

Can someone please explain to me how destroying our own communities have furthered our cause? Haven't we learned anything from Watts, Chicago and Detroit in the 60's?  Los Angeles in the 90's? Did rioting and burning down OUR businesses bring any positive change whatsoever?  Think about it...it took Detroit almost 50 YEARS to get from under the ripple effect that started when our own burned and destroyed our own.  When are we going to realize that the victory of fighting injustice will NEVER come when we destroy what many of us has worked so hard to build?

As long as there is prejudice and hatred in the world, injustice will always be present, but me MUST find other ways to express our anger toward the system, not toward ourselves or each other.  Riddle me this: How many rioters are or were active voters, business owners, high school AND college graduates, role models to young, visionaries, clergy from various faiths, community advocates and the like?  How many of us are willing to roll up our sleeves and get down to the business of actually creating change by empowering our young people instead of cheering them on when they through a rock through a window? How many of us are willing to openly put their foot down like the mother in yellow who had no problem expressing her disgust by slapping some sense into her son?  How many of us are willing to look toward OUR leaders and holding them accountable for their lack of leadership and not pander to media for the sake of sound bites?

No, the revolution is not being televised, riots are.  It's time we hold ourselves accountable and learn the difference.

Ferguson, MO: Now That It’s Over…What Next?

I’ve deliberately avoided the news in the last 24 hours and made sure my family did the same.  Once it became apparent that the grand jury’s decision whether or not to indict Officer Darren Wilson wouldn’t come down until after 5:00 PM (CT), I made the choice as a parent to focus on my family and keeping their spirits high.  So last night, as we do every Monday, my family and I watched a really good episode of WWE Monday Night Raw.  I stand by my decision.

Now in the morning light (or cloudiness, in Lansing’s case), I’ve had the opportunity to catch up on the news, read the Facebook posts, read the angry tweets and so on, I can finally address this ugliness that’s taken place in Ferguson, Missouri…all of it.

One thing we must accept and deal with, is that the grand jury has handed down their decision.  It’s a done deal and we cannot do anything about it.  We’ve been down this road before and it would be irresponsible to think that it won’t happen again.  Injustice rears its ugly head in every corner of this otherwise great nation.  This injustice is an even tougher pill to swallow when its perpetrated by the very individuals that are tasked to protect and serve all citizens.  Justice is a consequence of a revelation of truth, whether the truth hurts or not.  Justice can only be achieved when all the facts are taken into account.  We will only know what we were told.  There are only two people who knows what happened and one can no longer speak for himself.  This is not justice.

Second, the violence has got to stop.  While peaceful protests began to sprout all over the country this morning, business owners, schools and residents of Ferguson, MO have to deal with the destruction that has ravaged their community overnight.  What does looting, setting fires and destroying local businesses solve? Nothing.  If one person loses their life in this madness, Michael Brown would have died in vain.

Finally, the media is not our friend in this instance.  Millions of Americans watched their TV screens, checked their phones, and trolled social media with baited breath with all focus on a small suburb of St. Louis.  We were lead on and on and on, all day and all evening, being fed all kinds of banter and analysis, panel discussions and so-called experts on race, justice and whatnot.  The news coverage was absolutely overwhelming, leading me to make my previously mentioned decision not to watch or partake.  Admittedly, I caught myself checking my Facebook page to see what was posted, but I did eventually put my smartphone down.

Now that its over, where do we go from here?

First things first, pray for Ferguson, MO, the family of Michael Brown, and yes, Darren Wilson and his family.  Pray for peace in this great nation. Pray for wisdom.  How do we deal with this?  How can we grow together? How can we make this country a better place than how we found it? Pray over these questions and ask for the courage to answer them.

 Next, take action.  This can be just about anything that will advance the mission of justice and peace.  Some will protest peacefully.  Some chose to boycott so called Black Friday.  Others, such as myself, chose to offer to type of insight by sharing my views on this blog.  Whatever you decide to do, make sure it creates a better community around you.  Volunteer to mentor young people to provide them with alternate, constructive ways of expressing anger besides setting fires and rioting.  Teach others around you to support and appreciate local business owners so they will think twice about looting.  Encourage your fellow citizens to vote and get involved in the political process.  Talk to your  kids.  There is at least one thing each and every one of us can do to further the cause of unity and justice.

Create an open dialogue with your local law enforcement.  Remember…we cannot vilify and stereotype police officers.  There are way too many good cops in the world to let Darren Wilson and a few unfortunate others become the face of law enforcement in this country.  Take a moment to learn about your local police department.  Learn their names.  Know how to reach your police chief and local precinct.  And above all else, let good police officers know that they are appreciated.  The goal is to alleviate the fear that is constantly perpetuated by the media.  I realize that this is difficult for many.  I’ve had a couple of unfortunate experiences with police officers myself.  However, if I let those instances dictate my opinion of law enforcement, I would not have appreciated the police officer who helped me look for my lost dog, or the state trooper who convinced a judge to dismiss my speeding ticket or the young officer who spoke to all the kids in the neighborhood when he drove through.  I’ll lead by example by personally thanking Lansing Mayor Virg Bernero and Lansing Police Chief Michael Yankowski for fostering the spirit of community and communication.  Both have been diligent in keeping the Lansing community involved and making sure our voices are heard.

Right now, at this moment, all we can do is move forward.  We can only look back to learn from our mistakes.  Looking back and doing nothing solves nothing.  Take a stand. Make a difference.  Think.  Make your question of the day ‘What can I do to create a better place for me and my children?’  This should be your question of the day…every day.

Raising Special Kids Takes a Special Kind of Mommie

This is my first article as a contributor to "Special Moms - Special Kids", part of the Proud Mommie Moments website.  Very proud of this particular entry.  Thank you always for your support! - Sasha

When we become parents, we want our children to be born happy and healthy.  Ten fingers and ten toes, perfect eyes that see and perfect ears that hear the sound of your voice are part of a healthy, happy baby.   We take for granted that all is well with our little one, being reassured of proper development before birth.  Prenatal exams are generally routine and OB/GYN visits are generally uneventful if all is well.  However, a select group of parents don’t always get the news they’ve been hoping for…

It was early summer 2007 when I got the call that something wasn’t quite right with my baby’s ultrasound.  We learned the day of the procedure that he would be a boy, but the news of a possible abnormality didn’t come until later.  My doctor recommended an enhanced ultrasound so we could get a better idea of what we were dealing with.  I cannot recall the details, but I do remember her saying “There is a 1 in 55 chance your son will have Down Syndrome.” 

WHAT!? Down Syndrome?  At that time, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of having a child with a disability.  Disability. I hardly ever used the word before that time.  After getting over the initial shock, I did my homework.  My heart dropped as I read phrases like ‘possible issues with eyesight’, ‘heart conditions’, ‘delayed cognitive development’.  Then, all I could do is pray.  I begged the Lord to tell me why. Why me? Why our family?  I just didn’t understand what kind of blessing we were in store for.

After that first enhanced ultrasound, the specialist confirmed that there was, in fact, a high risk of Down Syndrome (DS).  When given the option to diagnose before or after birth, we chose to find out as soon as possible.  We settled on an amniocentesis which went without complications.  A positive diagnosis would come from the specialist by phone, otherwise we would hear from a nurse.

It was late June 2007, when I got the call.  When I heard the specialist’s voice on the line, my heart dropped.  My child will be born with DS. Down Syndrome. Down Syndrome. The name echoed in my head for what seemed to be forever until I was interrupted with a serious question. “Do you wish to terminate your pregnancy?”  Looking back, I assumed he had to ask for medical and ethical reasons, but at that moment I wanted to scream at him ‘Are you out of your mind?!’  The thought of termination never entered my head.  Like many babies before him, ours had ten fingers and ten toes, eyes that could see, ears that could hear and most importantly, a healthy heart.  He was small for his gestational age, but looked fine nonetheless.  After gathering my composure, I gave him my reply…

“Absolutely not.”

We scheduled subsequent appointments and ended the phone call.  I was home alone at the time.  I called my husband and mother and gave them the news.  Then all I could do is pray.  I prayed for the health of my baby (who was named James Gregory, after my brother and father James and my husband’s uncle and cousin Gregory), prayed for strength for my family and prayed for strength for me.  He must have heard me.  I watched a Tigers game and received a letter from my church, inviting us to vacation bible school.  I’ve been an active member of St. Stephen’s Community Church ever since.

On Thursday, September 27, 2007, I went into the specialist’s office for a routine test when an anomaly was discovered.  After it was fully analyzed, I was admitted right away.  I was assured it was precautionary, but I was panicking inside. ‘What’s wrong?!’  By the time the evening arrived, it was determined that labor had to be induced.  While James’ heart rate was struggling with each contraction,  I was concerned about him being born almost six weeks early.  An emergency C-section was ordered and I was rolled into the OR.  My husband was by my side when a tiny little boy with a huge voice popped out (Yes, I heard a ‘pop’.).  There he was, with ten fingers, ten toes, a tiny cow lick on the top of his head and apparently a really big voice.  James Gregory Gaskin had arrived.

James had to get settled in the RNICU before I could see him.  When I held him for the first time, I knew my prayer was answered. The Lord answered ‘Why you? Because he needs you. You need him.  I created you for each other.’  That was all the motivation I needed.

So here we are today.  James is in school and loving it.  He loves to swim and enjoys watching Spongebob Squarepants every day.  He had as many as six specialists at one time, continues with physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy.  James’ delays are pretty severe but overall he is healthy and happy…a true blessing.  James is a testament to how we all overcome our obstacles in life.  James lives life to the fullest every day, as should we all.

As a proud (and special) mommie, it is my hope that any parent who is raising a disabled child or is expecting a disabled child, can find hope and motivation in these words.  Its always darkest before the dawn and a disability diagnosis is not the end of the world.  Surround yourself with supportive people.  Get to know any local organizations that can help.  Learn about educational opportunities for your child. 

 “Special mommies” are a rare breed, a rarity to be treasured and celebrated.

The Privilege To Serve

Hello friends and Happy New Year!  Thank you for your continued patience and support.  Its good to be back...

Today, the City of Lansing hosted its monthly Mobile Food Pantry at Tabernacle of David Worship Center.  I saw the usual volunteers and community organizations that take part.  Many of the residents that use this resource are regulars while there are newcomers every month.  This event, which takes place every third Saturday, feeds more than 200 families. Absolutely an invaluable resource.

This day was a little different.  The conditions were difficult.  It was a blistery 20 degrees out, light snow and some wind.   I have to say, it wasn't an easy day to be outside.  A number of volunteers took turns to warm up indoors and residents were reluctant to venture out into the line that ran outdoors were the food items were set up for distribution. Despite Old Man Winter's efforts to curtail the enthusiasm, our friends and neighbors came out to support the cause.

Despite the harsh conditions, the mood was inspiring.  There were lots of smiles and hugs among friends who connected for the first time in 2014.  Members of the church served hot chocolate and coffee to those who were volunteering outdoors. Residents were able to obtain information about community resources with dignity and a smile.

My point?  Today reminded me how wonderful and fulfilling it is to serve others. I experienced such a warm feeling, more than usual, at the sight of so many making the sacrifice to take care of our fellow man.  I felt a rejuvenating rush that reminds me of how valuable the efforts of our volunteers really and truly are.   I can only use this opportunity to further grow into a person who not only values the commitment of others, but to be able to appreciate how our community is a better place because of that commitment.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'" (Source: MLKday.gov)  This MLK Day, use this opportunity to change your life, and the lives of others, for the better...fostering the privilege to serve.

Trayvon Martin: This Generation's Martyr

In every generation, there is a trial or event that, in part, defines how our young people see the world.  For my generation, there were numerous legal decisions that made resonating statements about law enforcement, self-defense and race. For me, those decisions included the Malice Green case and the Rodney King case.  For my children, Travyon Martin will serve as a martyr...

I'm not going to pretend that I'm not angry at the verdict...of course I am.  I'm a mother to two African American boys, one has experienced racism before the age of 10 and a son who not only has to deal with racism, he also has to deal with those who are negatively ignorant of his cognitive and developmental issues that occur with Down Syndrome.  Oh yes, racism and prejudice are an unfortunate, yet regular, part of our lives.

My heart was absolutely broken when my daughter cried after hearing the verdict. She exclaimed, "His life didn't mean anything!"  She made me think about this from her perspective.  Mr. Martin could have very well been one of her schoolmates, Facebook friends, Twitter followers, or Instagram buddies.  This hit really close to home for her.  She continued, "I'm Black! My life isn't doesn't mean anything!  Michael Vick went to jail for hurting dogs!!  Those dogs lives are worth more than mine!!!"  After calming her down and explaining fundamental differences between both cases, she felt better and was able to sleep.

Going back 20 years, I remember walking through the MSU Union and watching news footage of the riots in South Central L.A.  Years of frustration and racial bias boiled over into the streets after the police officers accused of beating Rodney King were acquitted.  That tension was felt throughout the building, campus and the nation.  Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed this time around.  Peaceful protests are taking place all over the country in the hopes that positive changes will take place.

I'm not going to go into the trial itself, because it is pointless to do so.  Mr. Zimmerman was lawfully tried and acquitted of all charges by a jury of his peers.  There is nothing we can do about it.  One can only hope that Mr. Zimmerman gets right with God, for He has the final judgment...

This case can only serve as a vehicle for change.  This is an opportunity for young people to make their voices heard.  Whether you agree to the verdict or not, this is a chance for us to calmly and rationally dialogue about the future of the legal system in America.  Let's not forget: While there were strong racial overtones within this case, it ultimately centered around the Florida law that allowed it to happen.

After all the analysis, commentary, and rhetoric, we need to remember...a child is dead.  Pray for his mother and father, pray for Mr. Zimmerman's family as their lives will never be the same, pray for the jury members and all those who have been directly affected by this decision.  At the end of the day, Trayvon Martin serves as a reminder that America has long way to go before we are truly the melting pot that our forefathers intended us to be.

Kwanzaa in the 21st Century: Imani

The final day of Kwanzaa celebrates Imani, meaning faith.  It means to believe with all our hearts in God and the righteousness and victory of our struggle. (Source: The Official Kwanzaa Website)  How far have we come by our faith?  As our ancestors made their way to the new world, more than likely by force, we held on to our sense of faith in God.  As America grew, as did slavery, we learned to inject our faith in God through prayer and song.  Slaves gathered in worship to give honor to God despite their circumstances.  They had the faith to know that someday, somehow He would make a way out of no way. 


My personal journey with faith has been a long, and many times difficult, one.  For years, I've denied my blessings and victories because I felt I didn't deserve them.  I would find myself asking the Lord, "Why am I getting this blessing?"  I never really understood the power of faith in knowing what His plan was for me.  It wasn't until recently that I began to listen.  I finally hear you Lord.  Thank you for all that you do.

I've been blessed to meet people of many faiths.  I've learned so much and I hope that someone has learned a little something from me.  Regardless of how and what faith you practice, keeping God first is the most important aspect.  He has a plan for each of us.  It up to us to follow in Imani.

Your task for today: Set a spiritual goal for the year.  It can be reading your book of faith daily, joining a place of worship, or just spending more time with God on a daily basis.  If you take one step toward Him, he will take tow steps toward you.