Raising Special Kids Takes a Special Kind of Mommie

This is my first article as a contributor to "Special Moms - Special Kids", part of the Proud Mommie Moments website.  Very proud of this particular entry.  Thank you always for your support! - Sasha

When we become parents, we want our children to be born happy and healthy.  Ten fingers and ten toes, perfect eyes that see and perfect ears that hear the sound of your voice are part of a healthy, happy baby.   We take for granted that all is well with our little one, being reassured of proper development before birth.  Prenatal exams are generally routine and OB/GYN visits are generally uneventful if all is well.  However, a select group of parents don’t always get the news they’ve been hoping for…

It was early summer 2007 when I got the call that something wasn’t quite right with my baby’s ultrasound.  We learned the day of the procedure that he would be a boy, but the news of a possible abnormality didn’t come until later.  My doctor recommended an enhanced ultrasound so we could get a better idea of what we were dealing with.  I cannot recall the details, but I do remember her saying “There is a 1 in 55 chance your son will have Down Syndrome.” 

WHAT!? Down Syndrome?  At that time, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of having a child with a disability.  Disability. I hardly ever used the word before that time.  After getting over the initial shock, I did my homework.  My heart dropped as I read phrases like ‘possible issues with eyesight’, ‘heart conditions’, ‘delayed cognitive development’.  Then, all I could do is pray.  I begged the Lord to tell me why. Why me? Why our family?  I just didn’t understand what kind of blessing we were in store for.

After that first enhanced ultrasound, the specialist confirmed that there was, in fact, a high risk of Down Syndrome (DS).  When given the option to diagnose before or after birth, we chose to find out as soon as possible.  We settled on an amniocentesis which went without complications.  A positive diagnosis would come from the specialist by phone, otherwise we would hear from a nurse.

It was late June 2007, when I got the call.  When I heard the specialist’s voice on the line, my heart dropped.  My child will be born with DS. Down Syndrome. Down Syndrome. The name echoed in my head for what seemed to be forever until I was interrupted with a serious question. “Do you wish to terminate your pregnancy?”  Looking back, I assumed he had to ask for medical and ethical reasons, but at that moment I wanted to scream at him ‘Are you out of your mind?!’  The thought of termination never entered my head.  Like many babies before him, ours had ten fingers and ten toes, eyes that could see, ears that could hear and most importantly, a healthy heart.  He was small for his gestational age, but looked fine nonetheless.  After gathering my composure, I gave him my reply…

“Absolutely not.”

We scheduled subsequent appointments and ended the phone call.  I was home alone at the time.  I called my husband and mother and gave them the news.  Then all I could do is pray.  I prayed for the health of my baby (who was named James Gregory, after my brother and father James and my husband’s uncle and cousin Gregory), prayed for strength for my family and prayed for strength for me.  He must have heard me.  I watched a Tigers game and received a letter from my church, inviting us to vacation bible school.  I’ve been an active member of St. Stephen’s Community Church ever since.

On Thursday, September 27, 2007, I went into the specialist’s office for a routine test when an anomaly was discovered.  After it was fully analyzed, I was admitted right away.  I was assured it was precautionary, but I was panicking inside. ‘What’s wrong?!’  By the time the evening arrived, it was determined that labor had to be induced.  While James’ heart rate was struggling with each contraction,  I was concerned about him being born almost six weeks early.  An emergency C-section was ordered and I was rolled into the OR.  My husband was by my side when a tiny little boy with a huge voice popped out (Yes, I heard a ‘pop’.).  There he was, with ten fingers, ten toes, a tiny cow lick on the top of his head and apparently a really big voice.  James Gregory Gaskin had arrived.

James had to get settled in the RNICU before I could see him.  When I held him for the first time, I knew my prayer was answered. The Lord answered ‘Why you? Because he needs you. You need him.  I created you for each other.’  That was all the motivation I needed.

So here we are today.  James is in school and loving it.  He loves to swim and enjoys watching Spongebob Squarepants every day.  He had as many as six specialists at one time, continues with physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy.  James’ delays are pretty severe but overall he is healthy and happy…a true blessing.  James is a testament to how we all overcome our obstacles in life.  James lives life to the fullest every day, as should we all.

As a proud (and special) mommie, it is my hope that any parent who is raising a disabled child or is expecting a disabled child, can find hope and motivation in these words.  Its always darkest before the dawn and a disability diagnosis is not the end of the world.  Surround yourself with supportive people.  Get to know any local organizations that can help.  Learn about educational opportunities for your child. 

 “Special mommies” are a rare breed, a rarity to be treasured and celebrated.

The Privilege To Serve

Hello friends and Happy New Year!  Thank you for your continued patience and support.  Its good to be back...

Today, the City of Lansing hosted its monthly Mobile Food Pantry at Tabernacle of David Worship Center.  I saw the usual volunteers and community organizations that take part.  Many of the residents that use this resource are regulars while there are newcomers every month.  This event, which takes place every third Saturday, feeds more than 200 families. Absolutely an invaluable resource.

This day was a little different.  The conditions were difficult.  It was a blistery 20 degrees out, light snow and some wind.   I have to say, it wasn't an easy day to be outside.  A number of volunteers took turns to warm up indoors and residents were reluctant to venture out into the line that ran outdoors were the food items were set up for distribution. Despite Old Man Winter's efforts to curtail the enthusiasm, our friends and neighbors came out to support the cause.

Despite the harsh conditions, the mood was inspiring.  There were lots of smiles and hugs among friends who connected for the first time in 2014.  Members of the church served hot chocolate and coffee to those who were volunteering outdoors. Residents were able to obtain information about community resources with dignity and a smile.

My point?  Today reminded me how wonderful and fulfilling it is to serve others. I experienced such a warm feeling, more than usual, at the sight of so many making the sacrifice to take care of our fellow man.  I felt a rejuvenating rush that reminds me of how valuable the efforts of our volunteers really and truly are.   I can only use this opportunity to further grow into a person who not only values the commitment of others, but to be able to appreciate how our community is a better place because of that commitment.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'" (Source: MLKday.gov)  This MLK Day, use this opportunity to change your life, and the lives of others, for the better...fostering the privilege to serve.

Trayvon Martin: This Generation's Martyr

In every generation, there is a trial or event that, in part, defines how our young people see the world.  For my generation, there were numerous legal decisions that made resonating statements about law enforcement, self-defense and race. For me, those decisions included the Malice Green case and the Rodney King case.  For my children, Travyon Martin will serve as a martyr...

I'm not going to pretend that I'm not angry at the verdict...of course I am.  I'm a mother to two African American boys, one has experienced racism before the age of 10 and a son who not only has to deal with racism, he also has to deal with those who are negatively ignorant of his cognitive and developmental issues that occur with Down Syndrome.  Oh yes, racism and prejudice are an unfortunate, yet regular, part of our lives.

My heart was absolutely broken when my daughter cried after hearing the verdict. She exclaimed, "His life didn't mean anything!"  She made me think about this from her perspective.  Mr. Martin could have very well been one of her schoolmates, Facebook friends, Twitter followers, or Instagram buddies.  This hit really close to home for her.  She continued, "I'm Black! My life isn't doesn't mean anything!  Michael Vick went to jail for hurting dogs!!  Those dogs lives are worth more than mine!!!"  After calming her down and explaining fundamental differences between both cases, she felt better and was able to sleep.

Going back 20 years, I remember walking through the MSU Union and watching news footage of the riots in South Central L.A.  Years of frustration and racial bias boiled over into the streets after the police officers accused of beating Rodney King were acquitted.  That tension was felt throughout the building, campus and the nation.  Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed this time around.  Peaceful protests are taking place all over the country in the hopes that positive changes will take place.

I'm not going to go into the trial itself, because it is pointless to do so.  Mr. Zimmerman was lawfully tried and acquitted of all charges by a jury of his peers.  There is nothing we can do about it.  One can only hope that Mr. Zimmerman gets right with God, for He has the final judgment...

This case can only serve as a vehicle for change.  This is an opportunity for young people to make their voices heard.  Whether you agree to the verdict or not, this is a chance for us to calmly and rationally dialogue about the future of the legal system in America.  Let's not forget: While there were strong racial overtones within this case, it ultimately centered around the Florida law that allowed it to happen.

After all the analysis, commentary, and rhetoric, we need to remember...a child is dead.  Pray for his mother and father, pray for Mr. Zimmerman's family as their lives will never be the same, pray for the jury members and all those who have been directly affected by this decision.  At the end of the day, Trayvon Martin serves as a reminder that America has long way to go before we are truly the melting pot that our forefathers intended us to be.

Kwanzaa in the 21st Century: Imani

The final day of Kwanzaa celebrates Imani, meaning faith.  It means to believe with all our hearts in God and the righteousness and victory of our struggle. (Source: The Official Kwanzaa Website)  How far have we come by our faith?  As our ancestors made their way to the new world, more than likely by force, we held on to our sense of faith in God.  As America grew, as did slavery, we learned to inject our faith in God through prayer and song.  Slaves gathered in worship to give honor to God despite their circumstances.  They had the faith to know that someday, somehow He would make a way out of no way. 


My personal journey with faith has been a long, and many times difficult, one.  For years, I've denied my blessings and victories because I felt I didn't deserve them.  I would find myself asking the Lord, "Why am I getting this blessing?"  I never really understood the power of faith in knowing what His plan was for me.  It wasn't until recently that I began to listen.  I finally hear you Lord.  Thank you for all that you do.

I've been blessed to meet people of many faiths.  I've learned so much and I hope that someone has learned a little something from me.  Regardless of how and what faith you practice, keeping God first is the most important aspect.  He has a plan for each of us.  It up to us to follow in Imani.

Your task for today: Set a spiritual goal for the year.  It can be reading your book of faith daily, joining a place of worship, or just spending more time with God on a daily basis.  If you take one step toward Him, he will take tow steps toward you.

Kwanzaa in the 21st Century: Nia

Author's note: Anyone  who knows me knows that I am notorious for for mixing up the fifth and sixth days of Kwanzaa.  Nia is usually celebrated on the fifth day while Kuumba is celebrated on the sixth.  For the purpose of this series, Nia will be celebrated today.  Thanks! ~SKG

Nia, meaning purpose, is celebrated on the sixth day of Kwanzaa. It means to make as our collective vocation the building and developing of our community, in order to restore our people to our traditional greatness. (Source: The Official Kwanzaa Website)  Any African American that moves forward the causes of our people as a whole practices Nia.  We learn, build and contribute with purpose.  This is why we have been able to achieve, and continue to achieve, greatness.  Will we reach the greatness of our African ancestors?  That remains to be seen.  However, if we are steadfast in our commitment to reaching that goal, then we are off to a pretty good start.


Nia has to be the most American principle among the Nguzo Saba.  If our nation's founding fathers did not exercise Nia, then where would we be?  Can you imagine how different the world would be without the United States of America?  What if General George Washington just threw up his hands and said, "We give up, Your Majesty!"  and ran back to the United Kingdom and left the colonies as they were.  Would we still be under British rule?  Would we still have to give honor to Queen and country...that isn't ours?  Would your ancestors have made to the new world?  If we did not have Nia in our plan, how would America look?


Your task for today:  As the new year dawns, take a moment to set goals, not make resolutions.  Make it your purpose to make 2013 better than 2012.  Start small!  Every goal is special, no matter what size!

Kwanzaa in the 21st Century: Kuumba

Today marks the fifth day of Kwanzaa, Kuumba, meaning creativity.  It is defined as always doing as much as we can in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it. (Source: The Official Kwanzaa Website) I can't think of a more creative people than African Americans.  For centuries, people of African decent were ridiculed and condemned for expressing creativity.  How we wear our hair, how we speak, how we dress, our traditions.  All have been reviled and rejected...until the 20th century.  Our influences are felt in music, art, business and in popular culture.  It's now cool to embrace the things we were once hated for...how we wear our hair, how we speak, how we dress and our traditions.

The single most modern day example of Kuumba is the internet.  The digital age has taken creativity to the next level and beyond.  It has enabled each of us who are able and are comfortable with it, to create within our own little slice of the web.  Graphic art, music, journalism or blogging (like myself) has multiplied a gazillion-fold, giving each of us a voice that we may not other wise have.

I dedicate this post to the most creative person I know, my mother Roseann.  She can take the most rudimentary of objects and create a work of art.  She can take a group of friends and create the Classy Chassis of the Red Hat Society.  She can take bits and pieces of different items and create my beautiful wedding dress.  Roseann can take a hodgepodge of resources and talents and create a stellar event. Roseann is an absolute genius with a needle and thread, a diva of style and the best artist I know.  (A side note: A lot of that Kuumba skipped me and landed right on my only daughter! I guess it skips a generation.  Don't worry, I cultivated my own Kuumba over the years...LOL!)

Her creative love was able to take a big ole' mess like me from the 1990's and create the woman of God I am today in the 21st century.  In the name of Jesus, I thank you Momma.

Your task for today:  Create something!  Create a song. Create a poem.  Start that novel.  Get jiggy  with that term paper next semester.  Create a solution for a problem.  Create a way out of no way.  Make it happen!

Kwanzaa in the 21st Century: Ujama

The fourth day of Kwanzaa observes Ujama, cooperative economics, defined as building and maintaining our own stores, shops, and other businesses, and to profit from them together.(Source: The Official Kwanzaa Website)  African Americans have been practicing Ujama since our arrival in this country.  Despite our limited resources, African Americans have invested in our communities, thus making our nation stronger.  Frederick Douglass wrote, "We must become valuable to society in other departments of industry than those servile ones from which we are rapidly being excluded. We must show that we can do as well as be; to this end we must learn trades."(Source: The Root).  To that end, African Americans have found their place not only as business owners, but as major developers of their respective communities and the country as a whole.

Not sure of you practice Ujama?  Think of the words "Made in America".  If you regularly purchase goods that are American made, then you practice Ujama!  Buying books at a family owned bookstore, supporting a locally owned franchise or investing in an American built car are also prime examples of Ujama.  President Obama succeeded in Ujama by investing in the American auto industry, creating new opportunities in growth and competition in the market,  enabling our auto makers to compete on a global level once again. 

If you would like to support your locally owned businesses, start with your own neighborhood.   You'll be surprised at all the wonderful things businesses in your community are able to offer you.  

Your task for today (weather permitting):  Instead of driving out to your regular mega store, take a moment to visit that little shop your drive past everyday.  Introduce yourself and make a purchase if you are able.